Monday, September 15, 2014

Tipping Point


Each day we deal with issues far less severe than many experience on a daily basis. It’s our nature to be curious, worried or to comment about health related items afflicting others in our midst. I’m writing today so that I don’t fall into that practice. Sharing personal things isn’t typical for me, and not something I want to dwell on. This post really is about my hitting a wall, taking care of myself and moving on. Hopefully, that's without questions and speculation about my condition, appearance… or recent failure to return messages, attend meetings or follow through with RSVP’s. This post is for those who’ve been surprised or insulted by my ‘MIA’, as well as for those going above and beyond to help me feel less guilty about it.

Being free from this is a whole new reason to celebrate. 

Over the last few months I’ve been dealing with (and attempting to manage) a fight between my nervous system breakage and my fast-paced approach to life. It hasn’t been easy, but not completely impossible either. I’ve kept up as much as physically possible and only in the last couple of weeks actually shut down.

Damaged nerves and a ‘jacked up’ spinal cord are nothing new. In the course of my adult life, I’ve been through 4 corrective surgeries. Breakdowns in my system are inevitable, happen for no apparent reason and are an ongoing challenge. I prefer to choose the bright side and to take things as they come. But, this particular experience has sidetracked me more than in the past.

Sunny and Butch sent sunshine for my first day at home... via Oshi. Brightens every step.

Sadly, it’s partly due to getting older. Bouncing back isn’t as easy in this fourth decade I find myself in. It’s a fact and one I’ve almost accepted. All of the workouts, core strength and attempts to heal myself naturally through diet won't cure hereditary disease, but the efforts certainly haven’t been wasted. Facing any medical trauma with a strong body and spirit is a plus, which is why I'll continue my quest for being healthy and strong.

Posting this to avoid shock on first sight. The upside, my neck really isn't this wrinkled.
 Bandage tape causes crinkling-- yep, that's how I'm playing it
The emotional factor hasn’t been an issue with previous operations. I’ve hated missing events and being housebound but otherwise never struggled. This time, it’s a little different with some not-so-easy-to-hide incisions. 

Vanity and ego are something none of us really want to claim as a trait or major part of who we are. I envy those that truly don’t care, but am now more than certain that what’s on the surface impacts how I feel in general.  It’s the hardest part of this battle. Not swallowing well is no problem with Juice Nashville's glowing packages, but wearing a terrible looking collar and sporting a lurking slash.... not so much.

Every day...even to sleep in. Like a ring of hockey masks-- shocking at first.
Doing nothing isn’t an option, with dozens of projects in the works that I won’t drop and a few more in the pipeline I’m particularly pumped about starting. I have an amazing husband (aka nurse Nichols), with more social commitments and shows than most pageant winners… so being housebound doesn’t really work for long in this life we’ve created.

A really sweet arrangement from This Music Publishing, such great people and friends.



Thinking I might be able to keep this orchid
alive.. from my MStreet peeps.
My current status is officially ‘on the mend’, and despite fashion challenges that seem obtrusive at the moment…. I’m looking up and moving forward. I’ve never been one to wear scarves, but guessing that’s going to change. The other shortcomings I can deal with and continue to fight. My internal system may now be filled with a little titanium, but my movement is fluid and showing great improvement. It’s a blessing I wish others could enjoy. So many in my situation are far less fortunate. I believe my ability to heal is due to my faith, incredible talent from my neurosurgeon, Dr. Vaughn Allen (and his team, especially Brianna) combined with  the love of those who make me smile every single day.

From my mentor..the woman who always takes things head on.. and makes the best of every situation. 
If I owe you an email, I promise to get back to you as soon as possible.. it's a mountain to climb. And, if I missed your opening, celebration or release… please know I was there in spirit. Expect me next time – most likely in a scarf, possibly wrapped around a brace. I’m ok with it, and hoping you are as well. What I'm looking most forward to is seeing familiar faces I've missed and doing my part to contribute to causes and cases I've neglected (and not having to talk about any of this for another second). Can't wait for all of you to fill me in on what's next.... and to make up for lost time by contributing in the best way that I can.











13 comments:

  1. Jennifer Orr LocklinSeptember 15, 2014 at 9:17 AM

    You are inspriring and beautiful, inside and out, my friend! And you know I have more than a few scarves you can borrow, although you may need to explain a love for horses if you borrow any! haha. Best wishes and lots of love for a speedy and uneventful recovery.

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    1. You are the very best kind of friend. Nurse Nichols now only wants you on the list-- XOXOXO

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  2. Sorry to read you have hit a bumpy road and hope for a speedy and uneventful recovery.

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  3. I know you will bounce back like the superball on steroids you have always been!!! you know I can cook a little so if you have a cravin...just let me know!!!

    Anne C

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    1. Anne-- Thank you -- slowing down not so bad. Someday, let's cook together?>!

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  4. I love scars. They show you had to face something scary and have a story to tell. Praying you are feeling better soon.

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    1. Thank you so much -- every day is a bit better.

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  5. You blow me away Lady! Just Blow me away! Your eloquence, your deep thought, your perseverance, your stamina.... that Positive resolve! So touched by this glimpse of YOU! Thank you for being so vulnerable, so honest and so real! That's true beauty that is merely enhanced by the outside!

    Praying for continued recovery, positive thoughts, new projects and exciting futures! Cheers to you as you set the pace!

    I do pray we have a chance to meet again some day!

    All the best dear lady! All the best to you!

    Blessings

    Mary (Jones) Kinnaman

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    1. Sorry Mary, replied in a general comment. So appreciative of your words-- you make me want to be better, to do better. I, too hope we will meet again. Thanks so very much!

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  6. Thank you so much for all of the comments. Wow, Mary Kinnaman (always Jones to me, ha)-- you sure know how to make someone feel great. Appreciate everyone being so supportive!!

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  7. Wishing you speedy and thorough healing, inside & out. I live very close to you - let me know if you need an errand of any kind! You are FAB.

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